Money and Your Love: Avoid the Three D’s

Money and Your Love: Avoid the Three D’s

In his reflection titled Of What Are You Afraid, William Martin, author of The Couple’s Tao Te Ching , writes,

“All that is negative and injurious to your relationship is born of fear. Fear births jealousy, fuels anger, and prompts harsh words. The most difficult times contain the greatest fear. If you would live in love, do not be afraid”. He then adds, “My spouse and I are furthest apart when we are the most afraid. But when the fears are spoken and faced, our intimacy is not only restored but deepened. Ask yourselves the question, “Of what are we afraid?” Honest answers, mindfully spoken and courageously heard, will set you free”.

What does this passage have to do with money? Money illicits fear. Fear of losing money, fear of not making enough money, fear of going into debt, fear of never getting out of debt. Your reactions to money become fear-based.

Fear creates the three D’s amongst couples:

Distance, Disconnection and Disempowerment

If you and your partner fight over money, you let money win. You let money become bigger than your love for each other. You give money all the power. When you begin to talk about money as a team, you slowly take that power back. You let go of your individual attachment to your story about money and create a new story together.

In partnership with financial advisors at McAdams, we will host a free class to help you gain simple tools to begin this conversation. Do not let the money wedge grow so big that it tears you apart. Click here to join us.

Carolynn Aristone
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